Warm getaway and iPhoto tricks

My husband's company gave him the day off work on Monday for Martin Luther King Day. It was kind of weird because this was also the first day back to co-op for our three older kids. Although their teachers had been giving us assignments for the past two weeks, they didn't have class. Monday was supposed to be their first full day back at their academic classes.

It feels like we have been running like crazy lately. I have had to work more hours than usual the past few weeks, and it seems like I've been working more on weekends. We decided to take advantage of the fact my husband was off work and make the most of it! So, we let their teachers know they wouldn't be at class, and we headed into the city.

I have wanted to visit the Garfield Park Conservatory since last year when a bunch of friends went on a field trip there. If I'm stuck in the snowy, cold weather of the Midwest, there's no place I would rather be than inside the tropical paradise of a conservatory.

The minute we walked in, all of the kids remarked about how they could smell the oxygen! It was nice and warm and humid. Two large rooms of the conservatory were closed because the roof was destroyed last summer by a hail storm. However, the five remaining areas that were open were a treasure.

The kids did a scavenger hunt to find certain plants, and then filled out a sticker sheet. My husband and I spent lots of time playing with our camera and testing out photo settings. We had a beautiful peaceful day, and we were so glad we made the choice to go there together as a family.

We took a ton of photos that we have been watching as a slide show in iPhoto. I was thinking how cool it would be if I could export the slide show, instead of posting the photos one by one. I did a quick web search and found out that you CAN do that in iPhoto.

It's as simple as clicking the "+" sign and then instead of creating a new album, creating a new slide show. Then, you just adjust your theme and music, add or delete photos and click export. I used the song "Where I Belong" by Building 429, which I just downloaded for free this week from the K-Love web site. (So, see... this blog post is just a wealth of information!)

I recently upgraded my iPhoto, so this was the first time we had used the "shatter" theme as a transition. We all love it and think it adds a cool effect to the slideshow.

So, here goes... Take a look:

Sky high

 

 Today we joined a bunch of home school friends at an indoor trampoline place. The kids had a ton of fun! They had big spaces full of trampolines. Even the walls were trampolines.

The boys spent the entire time on the dodge ball court.

Alayna loved jumping in the foam pit.

Even Jayda got in on the fun. She has stopped complaining about her broken arm. After six days of being cooped up in the house, she was begging to go somewhere today. She only lasted about 30 minutes on the trampoline, but at least she was happy and smiling for a while!

Half way

A few weeks before Christmas break, I told my daughter we were going to do some flash cards to review her math facts. Up until that point, she had been cruising through her facts and didn't seem to need much extra review.

"Oh, like when we used to homeschool?" she asked.

I tried to hide my puzzled expression.

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. Ummm. In case you haven't noticed, honey, we still DO home school.

But I actually loved her way of thinking. We are halfway through our new schooling arrangement, and I wasn't sure how my children would react to this idea of having teachers on Mondays who give them all of their assignments. My hope was that they would see me more as the mom who helps them get through their homework and less as the teacher who is giving them all of their assignments. Apparently, it's working.

This arrangement has helped me with a few of the aspects of home schooling that are hardest for me. I wanted them to be accountable to someone other than me to do their work. I have found that they try a lot harder to write a good research paper, for example, when someone else is grading it.

I wanted someone else to set the standard by assigning how much work we have to complete. Sometimes, I wish they had harder assignments. Sometimes I wish we could blow stuff off and go on a field trip. But overall, I have really liked not having the pressure on me to figure out what we need to accomplish in a school year.

I also wanted them to experience the fear and anxiety of taking tests. Now, they take tests on a regular basis in class and at home. Sure, we took tests before. But they never took their tests as seriously when Mom was grading them. I like them to experience the healthy stress of going to class to take a test and handing it in to their teacher.

However, I do love the home schooling life style we have been able to enjoy this year. I feel super privileged to get to be with them during the week and be part of the learning process. I also love our network of friends in the home schooling community. And we all enjoy the fun social stuff we get to do.

The week before Christmas, they had their first experience taking mid-term exams. I was nervous when my 5th grader came home and reported, "Those tests were my worst nightmare."

All of their teachers post their grades and assignments on a web site called Engrade. I get a message every time a teacher posts a message. I couldn't even bring myself to log in during the two weeks of Christmas break and go through all of the messages waiting for me.

When I finally HAD to look on Tuesday, I was pleasantly surprised. They did better than I expected in many subjects. The ones that were a challenge weren't a shock. And the teachers went easy on us with the assignments the first week after Christmas.

It gave us some extra time to enjoy this week that has felt more like spring break than the first week of January! We still don't have any water in our backyard skating rink. But hooray for 56 degrees in the middle of winter!

(And yes... that IS the 2 year old with a broken clavicle playing on the swing set like nothing ever happened!)

Is there any such thing as too many boots?

This is the time of year that I start wearing my snow boots and winter coat inside the house, all day long.  I get so cold every day when we are trying to do our school work. I turn up the heat, I drink hot drinks, but nothing seems to help. My feet are still cold!

I have tried every combination of thick socks and house slippers, but nothing seems to work. My feet still get freezing cold unless I have that nice thick rubber sole separating me from the cold floor. I try my best to survive, sliding around in three layers of socks. But finally, I give in and put on my winter boots.

I know this is horrible. Even though I make sure my boots are CLEAN, I'm still concerned all day long that I'm spreading boot germs all over the carpet and the hardwood floor. But the alternative is even worse. When mama is cold, everyone feels the chill!

So, I'm hoping I've found the key to save me from six months of freezing feet and to save my house from being trampled. Here is is. The indoor house shoe boot:



This thing could save my life. Not only does it look very warm. It's cute! I think it's going to look awesome with my "home schooling outfits." Only a slightly crazy home school/work-at-home mom would worry about finding a house shoe that will go with her jeggings, but I think this one is perfect. =]

I've already sent my husband the link to the Old Navy web site where I found these and begged for them for our anniversary, which is this week. I would secretly like them in every color combination.



And while we are on this very important topic, can I just say this:

I really thought there was no possibility I could need a new pair of boots this winter... But they come in black, too.



Oiy.

Beautifully made

We've had a hard week. Home schooling can test every iota of one's character. When you spend hours and hours everyday sitting next to your kids helping them with their school work, you learn that even a person who was born from your gene pool can learn and process information in a way that is so completely opposite from how you are made that it can be mind boggling.

You reach points where you aren't even speaking the same language. You are saying one thing. Your child can't understand. He is doing one thing. You can't understand. You want to pull out your hair. You want to cry. You want to throw in the towel. You want to give up.

I have to step back and remind myself that God gave my child a beautiful brain. It doesn't function like mine. It doesn't process information in the same way mine does. It can frustrate me because of my own inability to help. But I have to remind myself: That kid's brain is beautifully made.

I love the way that brain is always full of songs. The songs pour out right in the middle of grammar tests. There is uncontrollable humming during spelling review. God gave him a beautiful brain.

I love the way that brain is full of stories. The stories in his head are so much more interesting than his science text book. He can imagine historical characters embarking on adventures that are far more entertaining than the stories in his history book. God gave him a beautiful brain.

I love the way that brain loves to draw. The pictures flow out of his brain and onto a sheet of paper at every opportunity. There is no better place to draw a cartoon than on the scrap paper used for deciphering division problems. All of those numbers that dance around in the math book are confusing and take long stretches of time to solve. The drawings appear on the page without any thought. God gave him a beautiful brain.

My instinct is to wish I could rewire that brain. To make it function more like mine. But God knew better. He knew exactly how to create a beautiful brain.

Building Identification 101: Church vs. School

I always wonder how my kids are going to react when they are doing their math and one of the word problems asks them something like this: "Count the number of windows in your classroom." Or "Make a graph showing the birthdays of everyone in your class."

I get nervous for a second, wondering if this will lead to a discussion about how they wish they were in a real classroom right now and how they wish they had more than five people to count — includes the baby and their mom!

But they happily start walking around the house, counting windows. And I get annoyed at the curriculum writers for saying this is the "home school kit" but not changing the question so my child has more than five people to add to her birthday chart.

We could imagine, I suppose, how many windows might be in a classroom if they went to a "real" school. The problem is, the only time any of them attended a "real" school was when my boys went to private school and that met in a church.

I'm glad they had that experience, though, because at least now they understand what the inside of a real church would look like. OUR church actually meets in a high school. Often, when we are driving around the suburbs and they see a huge new high school, they ask me if that is a church. I try to explain that, no, THAT is a school and a church looks more like the place with the big steeple on the top where they used to go to school.

They are going to be disappointed some day when it finally sinks in that most churches don't have a lighted football field or vending machines in the lounge.

Once in a while, their writing curriculum will ask them to write about their favorite teacher. Of course, they only have one choice and the teacher is really their mom. And she's not a teacher. But she does work for a church. And the church meets in a school. So, that sort of makes her qualified, right?

Things haven't gotten much clearer this year since we started our academic co-op. We still home school, but they go to classes and have teachers who give assignments, report cards and tests. So, when we get ready to go, they fumble around trying to say it's time for "school... I mean, co-op." I finally told them it's perfectly fine if they want to just call it school!

And by the way, the "school" meets in a church. But the church doesn't look a thing like a church. It has a gymnasium and a cafe, and it really reminds me more of a school, which makes sense because they are used to going to church in a school and now they go to school in a church that looks like a school that reminds them of a church.

Got it?

Group therapy

I've been joking this fall that my Friday mornings are like group therapy for home school moms. Honestly, Friday mornings have become the highlight of my week.

The three big kids take their enrichment classes at co-op. I sit around with two of my favorite friends in the cafe area upstairs, sipping hot tea and talking about life. We discuss important topics like shopping, shoes and travel, as well as curriculum, teaching strategies and the challenges of being both mom and teacher.

Throughout the morning, we have several other friends who come and go. We've gotten to know everyone's schedule. A few people join our group at 10 a.m., and then a couple more jump in at 11. By Noon, we have a full table for lunch. I know the kids enjoy their classes at co-op and the chance to hang out with friends, but I don't think they could possibly be having half as much fun as the moms upstairs.

Today, the topics of discussion were a bit more intense. This whole week has been full of challenges and struggles, not just for me, but for several of us. I know it's no coincidence that we also are going through a sermon series at church focused on finding joy in the midst of trials. Several of the moms from Friday morning therapy go to my church and two of them are in my small group.

This week at small group, we had to complete the following sentence: "When I face a trial, I..."

That was a tough question. I had to think about it long and hard. I think we all agreed that the big trials are the ones that force you to your knees. When the problems are larger than anything we could possibly handle on our own, we have no choice but to trust God for the answer.

But what about those small struggles we face everyday? Those little irritations? The frustrations? The smaller decisions?

My week has been full of those. So, I answered honestly: "First I get a drink — hot, carbonated or caffeinated. Then I get some chocolate. And if it's really bad, I go shopping." (I realize this wasn't the best answer, but I believe in honesty.)

Well, back to Friday morning co-op. Have you ever had one of those moments when someone asks you a simple question and it triggers a flood of emotion? I guess that's what happened this morning during Friday morning group therapy. All of those tiny frustrations, challenges and trials had built up to a point that they all came rushing out in one unexpected deluge.

I'm so thankful for this group of moms who care enough about me to talk me through it, pray for me and just listen in moments like those.

A few hours ago, one of them showed up at my front door. She handed me a bag with a drink and some chocolate. (We both wished there was time for shopping.) She sat in my messy kitchen and listened while we munched on chocolate covered bananas.

What a gift. I'm not sure what I would do without these women to go through life with me. Through the good and the bad. And to be there when life requires a nice warm drink and some deep, dark chocolate.

The Flood changed everything

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous here the past few days. I was going for a walk the other day and just soaking in the 74-degree temperature, the gentle breeze, the cloudless blue sky and the brightly-colored leaves on the trees.

And I kept thinking about The Flood.

Because that's normal.

Thinking about THE Flood. Yep, I do mean The Big One. The flood that is the subject of myths and legends. Storybooks and fairy tales. The inspiration for children's toys and baby bedding. It's nice to think about in those terms, anyway. We all like to think of Noah and the animals marching two-by-two into the ark.

But lately, I've been thinking a lot about the flood and its implications. I mean, I've always thought about the flood from a Biblical perspective. And sure, I've even considered it as part of history. But I have to admit that never before in my life have I really stopped to ponder the scientific implications of the flood.

I've always been a creationist in my scientific thinking. And to me that meant a literal translation of the Bible in which God created the earth, the planets, the galaxy and everything else that exists in outer space. I'm a "strict" creationist, in that I don't believe in the evolutionary progression of species over billions of years. I believe in a young earth that is thousands — not billions — of years old. And that's about as far as I've ever gotten in my thinking about earth science.

I simply never gave it much thought.

This year, my fifth grader is taking a geology and astronomy class. The curriculum is written by Answers in Genesis. The first book is called, "Our Planet Earth," and I'm finding it fascinating that it bases pretty much everything that we see today in the formation of the earth on the scientific fact of a massive, worldwide flood that wiped out all living things on the planet thousands of years ago. Noah's flood.

Before the flood, the earth was a tropical paradise. No seasons. No rainy days. No cold winters. No leaves changing on the trees. The weather was perfect everywhere, all the time.

The flood changed everything.

That massive storm changed the weather, bringing on an ice age in parts of the world.

Glaciers formed. The earth shifted. Land masses broke apart, forming the continents we know today.

The surface of the earth quickly eroded, depositing layers of sediment over every part of the earth. Billions of living things were rapidly buried, leaving the fossils that we still find today across the globe. Fossils of fish and other creatures of the sea have been found on tops of mountains, in desserts and on Antarctica because the surface of the earth changed so dramatically when the water dried up.

In many areas of the world, we see strata, which are layers of rock stacked on top of each other. This can be accounted for by a massive flood that swept large amounts of sediment on top of layers of earth. According to "flood science," it was caused by a swift and massive erosion, not a slow, gradual process that took billions of years.

Even the fossil fuels that we rely on for coal, oil and natural gas were created when plants and animals were buried under the earth and then experienced great heat and pressure. While evolutionists believe this happened over billions of years, creationists say that the flood is a more reasonable explanation of how so many plants and animals were buried fast enough to cause their bodies to be converted into fossil fuels.

I realize that studying the flood as a scientific fact and a major factor in the development of the earth as we know it today is highly controversial. Even as a kid growing up in a family that believed in creation, I certainly was never exposed to that type of thinking. And I know that my kids are going to hear lots of other scientific theories in their lives about why the earth is the way it is.

So, I'm loving the fact that they also get to study the events of the Bible as actual fact and think about their implications from a scientific point of view. As they get older, they will have lots of opportunity to hear other ways of thinking. But this one will also be part of their thinking. I wish it had been part of mine.

And it has me wondering about what this earth would have been like without The Flood. Would we experience geological features as unusual as the Grand Canyon? Would our cars and homes be powered by fossil fuels? Would I have the opportunity to soak in the smell of fallen leaves on a warm autumn day?

--

Here's are some photos from a little flood experiment we did last week.

Our candy pieces were enjoying their life on earth before the flood.

Here comes the rain! (aka, Jello.)

Our candy is turning into fossil fuel deep under the layers of earth that formed under all the sediment.

Our new "school"

A lot of people have been asking us how our new school situation is going this year. We are six weeks into the year, and we are finally getting into a routine and figuring out how to get everything done.

I definitely created some confusion back in August when I wrote that six-part series on what we were doing for school this fall. BlogHer even featured one of my posts on its web site with an introductory paragraph, explaining that "EverydayMOM has decided to send her kids back to school." I was too exhausted at the time to try to even explain they should have continued reading. Another friend e-mailed me a few weeks ago asking how we were doing at public school.

So, here's the scoop on what we are REALLY doing!

The best way to describe our schooling situation is that it's a mix of private school and home school.

On Mondays, the kids go to an academic program at a co-op. They take classes in all of their subjects: science, math, literature, grammar and writing, history and art. Their teachers give them instruction in what they will learn for the week. They also do activities, like science experiments, peer review of writing assignments, hands-on activities and games. In addition, the teachers give them tests, grades and report cards.

I drop off the kids at 8 a.m. and they are there until 2 p.m. The kids have between 10 and 16 students in most of their classes, so the classes are a perfect size, in my opinion.

On Monday afternoons, the teachers use an electronic system to post all of our assignments for the week. I print everything out and organize it on a spreadsheet for each of my three big kids.

Tuesdays through Thursdays are intense school days at home. We definitely need to do school from 8 a.m. until 3 p.m. each day to complete all of the assignments, and sometimes they have homework.

On Fridays, we go back to co-op for enrichment classes. They take fun classes like team building gym, cooking and book club. Because the co-op has more than 200 kids enrolled on Fridays, moms with kids younger than 8 need to stay in the building. At first, I was a little bummed that I wouldn't have free time on Fridays. However, I have lots of friends whose kids are in the program so it's become a highlight of my week to hang out and chat with friends all morning.

I'm really glad we decided to do this this year. It puts a healthy pressure on us to complete all of our assignments each day. It also takes the pressure off of me to figure out what we are going to do each week. The kids also see their assignments differently since they are coming from their teachers, not their mom.

I'm glad the kids have the "peer pressure" you get from presenting their projects to classmates. Last week, my 5th grader had to do his first "project" for a class. His history class read a book called, "A Gathering of Days," which is a diary of a girl growing up in New England in the 1800s. My son decided to make a movie with some of his friends and act out a few key scenes from the book.

This was a fun project and one we never would have done if we were home schooling on our own! He got to present the movie to his class on Friday. Here's a link to his movie on YouTube:



Hopefully, he won't be graded down for his mother's horrible acting!!

Orientation

On Monday, we went to orientation for our new home-school co-op. It was:

Exciting
Scary
A relief
Overwhelming
Refreshing
Exhausting

As I mentioned earlier, we are trying something completely different this year. We are doing the academic program at a home school co-op, which is designed to combine the idea of private school with home school.

For the most part, I loved all of the teachers in my kids' classes. They seemed energetic, full of ideas and excited about the year. They all talked about their ideas to bring the subject matter in their classrooms to life through games, discussion, projects and activities.

I am a big list follower, so my idea of a successful school year is to complete every page in all of our workbooks. :) I am excited for my kids to get to experience a different approach with teachers who take the subject matter seriously, but also want to add an element of fun.

I also realized how much I enjoy being part of something that is bigger than myself. All of the families gathered in the auditorium where nearly every seat was taken. It made me feel good to be surrounded by so many other like-minded families and all of that noise and chatter.

The kids all seem to have a good mix of boys and girls in their classes, and the class sizes seemed great, as well. Most of them look like they will be between 10 to 15 kids per class, which I think is perfect.

All of the teachers went through their syllabi for the year and our assignments for the first week. I was overwhelmed by how I will keep track of everything, but at the same time totally relieved to have someone else planning out our workload for the year!

From listening to conversations and talking to other families, it seemed like a lot of families had entered this environment from a private school. It made me wonder if I'm part of a new "breed" of home schooling families. It seemed like a lot of people there still wanted the structure and classroom atmosphere of private school, but some of the flexibility of home school. The program is costly, but for those who have done the private school thing before, it seems doable.

Of course, not everything was perfect. But we are ready to get rolling for the year! The first day is Monday, and I'm starting to plan how I will spend those six hours while the three big kids are out of the house. Don't worry. I think I'll find a way to fill my time.

School choices: The conclusion

If you are just starting to read, you should go back and start here.

Why did I write all of this? Honestly, I kind of wish I had just written one simple blog post saying what we are doing for the fall. I kind of wish I had not revealed my inner struggle and all of my craziness.

But I have discovered over the past few years that a lot of people make assumptions about why people do things. They assume that because you have chosen a certain path, it must be working perfectly for you or you must have some superhero power that makes it possible for you to do what you do.

I guess I learned during the last few months that I make those same assumptions!

The truth is, it's a lot of work to have kids. It's a lot of work to have one kid... or two or three or four or more. They all have different needs and different interests. No matter what path we choose — home school, private school or public school — it is work!

All parents have to be involved in educating their children, parenting them and raising them, regardless of where we send them to school. Every option has different benefits and struggles. NO MATTER WHAT!

And that is another thing I discovered this summer. I need to stop looking at all of the other options and thinking something else would be soooo much easier or so perfect. An option might be better because of a family's situation and the children in that family, but that doesn't mean it's better for everyone.

Up until this year, I also thought people must be crazy to choose several different schooling options for kids within their family. Now, I can totally understand why a family might think it's best to send one child to public school, another to private and home school a third. I finally get it.

It's kind of funny to me that one of the scariest things for me about "real" school was entering back into the world of homework. We have been there before. I can't say home school is "easier" than doing homework. Either option has strengths and benefits. Both are work!

This also was a huge lesson for me in trusting God. I can't tell you how many times I asked him to just tell us what to do. I don't feel a "calling" from God that this new program we are going to try is going to be just what we're supposed to do. I wish I did. It would give me so much confidence every morning to fall back on that.

I don't feel a deep conviction that our kids HAVE to go to private school or that they SHOULD go to public school. I also don't feel a conviction that we HAVE to home school.

God didn't give me a lightning bolt that clearly marked the way. I know we are going to face difficult days, and we might even regret this decision at times. However, what I learned is that I can trust Him to go through it with us. And that is what gives me peace.

Insomnia sets in

If you are just starting to read, you should go back and start here.

We got home from vacation and I went to the web site of our local school district to find out what I needed to do to register. I downloaded the 58-page "Back to School Handbook." I read it carefully.

We were at the point that we were both OK with sending our kids to public school. We knew we would face challenges we had never faced before. But we also knew that could be a growing experience for our family.

Every morning, I got up and looked at the registration form.

And I would sit and stare at it.

This would be a big change for us. Were we really ready?

That's when the insomnia set in.

I should have been so excited to think about all that freedom! No home school! Drop off the kids five days a week!

But instead, I was having a hard time giving up a different type of freedom home schooling offers. I was willing to do it, but I was having a hard time with it.

I was having a hard time leaving the awesome community of home school families we have come to love. We would still see those families on a regular basis, but it would take more effort.

Mostly, we have worked really hard over the past two years on some difficult subjects. And we have seen tremendous progress in those areas. If you have ever had a child who struggled with something, you know that it's a lot easier to help him or her first thing in the morning when the child is fresh and alert than it is at 4 or 5 p.m. when he or she is mentally exhausted from a full day at school. So we were concerned that we might quickly fall back to a place we had been two years ago with those struggles.

But one of the big things nagging on me was that home-school co-op I had mentioned back at the beginning. The program was different from anything we had done in the past. The idea behind it is that it's supposed to be a mix of private school and home school.

The kids would be there two days a week, Monday and Friday. On Mondays, they would go to classes covering all of their academic subjects. They would have teachers go over the material with them for the week and do all the things kids do in a normal class room: group activities, discussion of literature, science experiments. And then the teachers (not me!) would give them their assignments for the rest of the week. They also would have tests and receive report cards.

On Fridays, they would get to do all of their fun classes: gym, book club, cooking, art and a whole range of other topics from which to choose.

During the rest of the week, we would work through their assignments at home. It would definitely be more restrictive. But compared with our other two options — private school and public school — it seemed like we would still get to experience some of the flexibility of home school.

I realized that all of the things that made public school seem attractive to me were also true at the co-op:

• I want my kids to have teachers other than me.
• No matter how hard I try, my kids aren't going to try to impress me by doing a good job on their assignments the way they would try to impress a teacher.
• I'm don't want to argue with my children about the assignments I give them. Every home schooling mom out there knows what I'm talking about. My kids would never argue with a teacher about an assignment, so I don't want them to argue with me.
• I'm very hard on myself when it comes to my standards. I always question if my standards are too high or too low. I just want someone else to set the standard.
• I want them to get report cards. I want some way to compare how they are doing with the rest of the world.
• I want them to have peer pressure in a positive way. I want them to try to get their math facts done in one minute because they want to do it faster than the kid next to them.
• I want to get a break from them once it a while! (It's OK to say that!!)

I also realized that I was always going to wonder what it would have been like if we didn't give it a try. I saw it as a back-up plan when I signed us up in the spring. But after spending so much time thinking through the other options and after asking God all summer to show me the way, I finally felt good about it.

My husband was on board. And the kids were definitely on board.

We know of four other families who are already friends of ours who are doing all or part of the program. We are all very excited about that! 

Most of all, I felt at peace. I know it won't be perfect. I might even regret it. But I finally got to a place where I was OK with that. 

So... That's why I said at the beginning I should call this, "How I ruined my summer." I spent the entire summer searching for another way and ended up right back where I started!

And why did I just write six blog posts to tell you what many of you already knew?

I hope you will come back and read the next post to find out...

Hmmm? That's a revolutionary idea!

If you are just starting to read, you should go back and start here.

So... we were in the Smoky Mountains staring at that big white envelope with our application for private school. I explained in the last post why we just didn't feel settled about putting it in the mail.

I should add here that I was praying constantly about all of this. If God wasn't willing to give me a lightning bolt, then I would settle for peace about the decision. If I were to try to tell you what I learned about trusting God through this process, that would take another six posts, and I know no one has the energy for that!

My husband and I spent a lot of time talking. We realized that many times when you have done something for a while, you start to lose sight of why you started doing it in the first place. When you are around other people doing the same thing, you listen to their reasons and you start comparing yourself or telling yourself you are doing it for the same reasons they are.

But home schooling is probably the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. It's not something you can get up and do everyday unless you are committed to it. Like anything difficult in life, when the days are tough, you better know WHY you are doing it. Otherwise, it's way too easy to get discouraged.

We started discussing our overall philosophy on educating our children. Believe it or not, we haven't chosen to home school or private school in the past because we want our children to have a superior academic education. We have average kids, and we just want them to enjoy their educational experience.

We want them to learn a lot, but we also want them to have time to be kids. We want them to develop their own interests. We want them to learn to be disciplined with their studies and with their time. We  also want them to have play time and down time. Those are some of the things we enjoy about home school.

We know some public schools are failing, but we don't think the public school system in general is broken. We have heard lots of good things about our public school. We have great friends who send their kids there and highly recommend it!

So, after hours and hours of conversation, we decided maybe we should give it a try. Why not?

This would be the perfect time. Our oldest son is going into fifth grade, so it would be his last chance at the local elementary school. Our daughter would be going into first grade, so she wouldn't have anything to compare it to. Our middle son is going into third, and he adapts well to new situations.

The first thing I would need to do when we got back home is get them registered. And that shouldn't be too difficult, right? Well, unless you're me...

... and, of course, that's not the end! I won't leave you hanging for long...

The journey

If you are just starting to read, you should go back and start here.

Thank you for all of the comments on Facebook, the comments here and the private e-mails. I have been surprised as I look at my stats to see how many people are reading this. It actually gave me a little bit of a panic attack last night. I have written the rest, but I needed to think about it before I post it.

I've been told I'm driving people crazy with the cliffhangers. I didn't think about it beforehand. I just started to write, and it was a convenient way to divide the whole thing into bite-sized chunks. At the same time, I guess the way I am telling the story is a little like the story itself. 

It would be very simple for me to just tell you in one sentence what we are doing for the fall. That might be all you want to know, and that's OK if it is.

What I'm writing isn't just about the answer to that question. I'm writing about the journey. I'm writing about how I got to a point where I'm OK with things. 

I realize that a lot of people can't relate to this journey. But there are others who are ON this journey, and that is why I decided to write about it. It's taking me a lot of time, but it's also a little therapeutic for me. I have a feeling I will need to look back at this and read it myself again another day.

I had to pause here because I'm wrestling with my insecurity. I am afraid of what people will say or what they will think. I'm worried people will say I analyze things too much. I think about things too much. I make things too difficult.

.... because the ending is much simpler than the journey.

... and I will post that soon.

My Bipolar Home Schooling Disorder

(If you are just tuning in, you should go back and read the last two posts.)

I had all of the paperwork filled out, in an envelope and all I had to do was add a stamp. And then what happened? Crazy as it sounds, I started thinking about all of the things I would miss about home schooling.

• Our awesome network of friends.
• The great family bonding we've experienced.
• Seeing my older kids interact with their baby sister everyday.
• Eating many of our meals together as a family (since my husband works from home most days).
• Fun field trips with friends.
• Watching my kids grow and flourish in other areas because they have time to explore their interests.
• Seeing their self confidence grow.
• Having flexibility to go places and do things on days other kids are in school.
• Making great friendships (for ME) with other home school moms.
• And, I will admit it... watching my kids grow to love grammar. Seeing my older son improve in math. Watching as my younger son decided he likes writing. Helping my daughter learn to read.

Now, the funny thing about all of this is that you would probably assume our kids would WANT to go to school. I always loved school and looked forward to seeing my friends everyday. So, I always think my kids would prefer to go to "real" school.

But they actually love home school. We sat down with the three of them and asked them what they liked and didn't like about it.

The first thing they mentioned was that they like the fact that if they worked hard, they could get all of their work done so they would have more time to do the things they like to do. My oldest son loves making movies in iMovie. Our second son loves sports. Our daughter loves gymnastics and is excited about taking classes with Christian Youth Theater. And they all love playing with other friends who home school.

Of course, we can still do all of those things if the kids go to a regular school.

But if we enrolled in private school, we would have to work those activities in around that 24-minute, one-way commute. That's nearly two hours of driving time for me (and the toddler) every day. And around homework for all three of them.

Then, we have to factor in the volunteer hours that parents are required to work at the school. And the fundraisers we would need to be part of. Plus, there's the financial aspect. We could make it work, but we would have to operate on a very tight budget and pray we didn't have any major home repairs or vehicle costs. The cost of private school for three kids would basically be like paying a second mortgage.

Of course, there is another long list of the downsides to home schooling, which would be eliminated, giving us more time to focus on the challenges of private school.

When it finally came down to it, the one thing that we discussed the most was the idea of building a community at the school. We have done private school before so we know that it's important that we work hard to be part of that community. Most of the other students live much closer to the school, so we would be on the fringe. We would want our kids to build relationships with their new friends at school, but with the distance, that could be a struggle.

So... we started talking about another idea... and that is coming soon...

Finally! ... or not...

If you missed the last post, "Live from Crazyville" you need to go back and read that one first...

So, a few weeks ago, we finally did it. After praying and thinking about this all summer, making mental lists of pros and cons, and studying my spreadsheet comparing the cost of every private Christian school within a 12-mile radius of our home, I sat down with my husband and gave him my financial worksheet on how we could make private school happen.

He is MUCH more practical, rational and even-tempered than I am, so he listened quietly and carefully. And then he agreed with me that this was going to work.

There is a school we have visited several times that we both agreed would be the best fit for all three of our kids and which best fits our values and educational philosophy. I e-mailed them, and they wrote back right away to say they had openings in first, third and fifth grades!

I got to work on the paperwork, which was quite labor intensive. I even made report cards for each of my kids since the administrator said we would need them even though we home school.

For a week, I drove to the school at least once a day. It's almost exactly 12 miles from our house. That seems far, but our old school was 9 miles away, so an extra three miles didn't seem that bad. I tried every route (without speeding this time). My fastest time was 24 minutes.

OK. In this area, that really isn't that bad of a commute. We could do it.

But for some reason, I was just not fully confident it was the right choice. I felt a little sick to my stomach. On the day we left for our vacation to the Smoky Mountains, I finished all of the paperwork and asked my husband if it was OK with him if I mailed it. He asked me if we could wait a few more days.

I packed up the big white envelope and tried to keep it neat and clean during our long drive down to Tennessee.

And then you won't believe what happened...

(This is taking me a while to write, but the answer is coming soon.)

Live from Crazyville

OK, so I still couldn't decide on a title, but here goes anyway.

When school ended in the spring, I was extremely happy and relieved. I'm not sure if I actually said this out loud to anyone, but the main reason I was SO happy was that I had decided it was my last day of home school EVER!

I wasn't sure what this meant. But I had three months to pray about it and think about it and work on it, and I knew that something would come together. It had to.

Yes, yes, yes... We had signed up for a new home-school co-op, but it was basically just my last-resort back-up plan. I was determined to make a change.

I have gotten to the point that I avoid talking about the subject of school unless someone specifically asks me about it. Basically, it's just embarrassing to have to discuss my Bipolar Home Schooling Disorder. As I've tried to explain many times, "I love the HOME; it's the SCHOOL that I have trouble with."

It seems that the rest of the world has this thing figured out. Most people wait for their child to turn 5 and sign the cute little munchkin up for kindergarten. They enjoy their summers, happy to have a break, and when fall rolls around they rinse and repeat. It doesn't seem to be a huge topic of deliberation. It's just what they do.

For others, they feel they have been "called" to do something different. For whatever reason, it is their mission to home school their children. They feel very strongly about it. From what I can tell, they don't seem to doubt themselves or wonder if they are doing the right thing. They enjoy it. It works for their family. It's all good.

And then there are those who are able to send their children to private school. They have figured out a way to make it work financially, and they enjoy the security and community of private school.

And then there's me. I don't have a strong belief that one way of schooling your children is best. I don't feel like I have been "called" to do it a certain way. I know there are strengths and weaknesses to all of these choices, and it's basically a matter of finding what works best for our family.

We have been in a private school situation. For the past two years, we've home schooled. We have a very long list of good reasons why we made this choice. And there are many things about it that we absolutely love.

But I doubt myself. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Am I permanently scarring my children because they won't have any wonderful childhood memories of their first grade teacher? Am I really capable of keeping them on pace with their peers? Am I isolating them too much from other kids their age? Am I ruining our relationship because I can't be just their mom who they come home and cry to when they have a bad day. I'm also the teacher who made them have a bad day.

These are the questions that are in my mind pretty much every day of the week. And since I don't want to look like an idiot by revealing what's on my mind, I try not to say anything. And then it becomes difficult for me to talk about other topics because I know that I'm avoiding the one thing that's really on my mind. And then my blog sits without any posts for months on end, all of my former readers give up on me and before you know it, even my blog is in a dire situation. You can see the tragedy in all of this, right?

So, I'm simply going to try to get this off my chest so that I can write about more important things... like jewelry... and some of our new favorite hobbies... and why I have to walk down the middle of the street because I'm so afraid of getting hit in the head by a bird.

As you can see, the sooner I get this done, the better!

... to be continued.

School choices

I can't decide what to call this blog post.

Maybe...

How I ruined my summer.

Or...

Why I can't sleep at night.


Insomnia is the loneliest number.


If you thought I was crazy before, this will confirm it.

Other choices would be...

Why do I make my life so difficult?


My husband talks me down from the crazy tree every morning.

Or, possibly...

Take a deep breath, cause here we go!


After I decide on the title, I'm hoping I will be able to write the post!

Another possibility... or too many choices?

I woke up Monday morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I had just had a bad dream that it was 11 a.m. I had overslept and missed our appointment for the day. I also had a vague recollection of my pastor giving me a warning in the dream, but I couldn't remember what he was trying to say.

Now, hold back the gasps when I tell you what the dream was about. I know you will NEVER guess that... once again... as always and everyday, my subconscious mind was full of thoughts about our school choices for next year.

Right now, we are considering everything. Home school. Private school. Public school. I realize it shouldn't be this difficult. And I realize that for most people it seems to be a no-brainer. I'm starting to think we just have too many choices.

And Monday morning, we added a new possibility to our list.

The appointment I was dreaming I had missed was an open house at a nearby home-school co-op. We several friends who use this co-op on Fridays for supplemental stuff like art, music, PE and other fun classes. They also have an academic program on Mondays, offering core subjects, such as history, science, math and language arts.

I started entertaining the idea that if maybe I could "farm out" some of the subjects that are difficult for me — like science and history — that I could do a better job focusing on the areas where I feel I am doing OK as a teacher. I also like the idea of dropping off my children for some time each week, which might help me restore a little bit of sanity. I keep thinking that if I could have a break to go to the grocery store and clean my house, I might feel better about my life in general, and then I would be a better mom and teacher.

The open house surprised me in many ways. The first, totally unexpected way, was that we bumped into some old friends — friends who have done private school in the past, home school friends who were, like me, thinking of a new approach. It was like an unplanned family reunion on Monday morning!

I have to say, it felt good just to know that I'm not the only neurotic person on the planet who just can't figure out the best way to educate her children! Goodness! How hard is it to drop them off at school every morning? Or just to make the choice to home school and then be OK with that? I usually feel like I'm alone in this struggle to decide what's best for our family.

I also was surprised by the fact that this co-op introduced me to a way of thinking I had not previously considered. Yes, I could use it to help me with a few subject areas. But it's also set up to be a form of schooling that falls in between private school and home school.

Since it offers all of the core subjects, the students get instruction on Monday morning and then assignment to complete each day of the week. If we chose this path, a teacher, other than me, would determine what we need to do each week in all of our main subjects.

This would probably make most home-school moms' skin crawl. And yet, it felt like it could possibly be a good compromise for someone like me. It would give my kids some of the things I feel we are missing in a home-school environment: tests, report cards, teachers to impress, peers with whom to discuss subject matter and pressure to complete everything that should be completed in a school year.

Of course, with that, we would lose freedom to move faster or slower, depending on the child's strengths and weaknesses. We would be under someone else's control, in a way. It costs money... but not nearly as much as private school.

The kids all had mixed reactions about the experience. But my daughter, the social butterfly, would probably love it best. After about five minutes in the first-grade social studies class, she was already instructing the other kids on her superiority at shaking cream to become butter and helping them line up to play an old-fashioned bowling game.

"When can we sign up for that class?" she asked when I told her it was time to leave.

After the open house, we had a couple of doctor's appointments and I took the kids to "Happy Hour" at Steak N Shake as a reward for not screaming during shots. As I was pulling out of the drive-thru, I realized I had a flat tire.

Oh, man. So, two weeks ago when I went to visit a school I came away with a speeding ticket. Now a flat tire? Is God trying to send me a message?

In the process of changing the flat, my husband realized that my brakes were nearly non-existant. The minivan is equipped with a sensor that is supposed to light up when it's time to change the brakes. However, we did not get any warning that they needed repair.

Maybe this was why my pastor was trying to tell me something in my dream. My pastor also is my boss. I texted him to let him know we were going to miss a meeting due to all of the trouble. He texted back with some encouragement: "It's a good thing u got a flat. God always knows."

Hmm... Perhaps He knows the plan for our school year, too. Actually, I'm sure he does.

Oh, the irony

February for most people means the worst part of winter is almost over. People start dreaming of spring as they hear birds chirping in the morning and enjoy slightly more hours of daylight.

That used to be true for me.

But for the past two years, my focus has changed. February has become the time I make a spreadsheet listing all of the open house dates and enrollment deadlines for the private schools in the area. This is the time I start daydreaming about dropping my kids off at 8:15. I wonder what it would be like for them to run into school with their friends, meet new teachers and eat lunch in the cafeteria.

Those deadlines are now quickly approaching, so this morning I decided we should do a test run at one of the schools that is most appealing to me. I wanted to see what kind of traffic problems we might encounter. What would the drop-off line really be like? Am I totally underestimating the toll it might take on our family to get up and out the door on time?

I packed up all of our schoolwork and we were out the door right on schedule. Even with snow-covered streets and a traffic pile-up due to construction, the drive wasn't any worse than I thought it might be.

In fact, I was filled with so much hope that I was confident I could even improve on my timing on the way home, despite a wrong turn and a detour.

Oh, yeah. I was cruising. I was making record speed. The baby was hungry. She was down to her last cracker. We were seven minutes from home. We could get there before her whining turned to an all-out screaming fit.

I saw the cop.

He saw me.

I turned off the timer.

When the officer came around to greet me, I couldn't decide if I was more nervous about the fact I was driving 50 in a 35 mph zone or the fact that all four of my children where strapped in their seats at 9 a.m. With the bill that was in the Senate last week to require Illinois residents to register their home-schooled children with the state, I suddenly felt like I had a neon sign above my head, flashing the words, "Unregistered Home Schoolers On Board."

"So, where were you headed this morning?"

I didn't even have time to think about telling him anything but the truth.

"Well, we home school. And we were looking at a school we are considering for the fall."

My explanation didn't seem to phase him. I was kind of hoping he would peek his head in and see our fabulous math curriculum and how diligently the kids were working.

"So, sort of like a tour, huh?"

"Yes. Sort of."

When the officer came back a few minutes later, he actually looked like he felt a little guilty. The poor home school mom. The four kids. The hungry baby. The tour of the school that would probably now never be a possibility because clearly this woman isn't fit to be on the roads at 8 a.m.

He was explaining how he didn't need to keep my license and I could do all the paperwork online and it really wasn't going to be so bad, when I interrupted him.

"Do you think this is a sign from God that school isn't going to work out?" I asked.

"It doesn't seem like a very good omen, does it?" he replied.

Now, I'm just waiting for the truant officer to show up. Maybe he will take a look at our curriculum.