Friday, November 21, 2008

from "dedicated reader"

To: everydayMOM
From: Dedicated Reader
Subject: time to call it quits

Dear everydayMOM,

NOW look what you have done!!!

I saw you last night. I saw you giggling so hard you couldn't even go to sleep after you wrote that post. I saw you driving around in your car all day laughing about that made-up quote from the Blogger people.

You should know by now that NORMAL people don't understand our warped sense of humor! When will you ever get it through your thick head that normal people DO NOT have imaginary friends? They DON'T have split personalities. And they DON'T even have dramatic and irrational mood swings. Most of your readers are N-O-R-M-A-L-P-E-O-P-L-E!

Now you have gone off and played with the emotions of even your lifelong friends and blood-line relatives with your silly little jokes that only WE find funny! How could you do this?

Oh, and by the way, I just got THIS e-mail from the GOOF-BALL POLICE. In fact, it's from the Chief Officer of the Worldwide Internet Blogging Goof-Ball Tracking Unit of the Western Hemisphere:

"Dear everydayMOM. We would like to notify you that you are in serious violation of manipulating the emotions of innocent blog readers by threatening to quit. If we see this type of activity again, your wireless Internet is going DOWN. Believe me, we have confiscated iTouches for offenses less agregious than this one. So, watch yourself."

Listen, everydayMOM. I really think your problem is that you keep comparing yourself to all of those other cute little bloggers out there. I know. I know. They can post a new casserole recipe and within minutes they have 14 comments.

And then there's The Pioneer Woman. You HAVE to quit reading her blog. Come on. She gets 11,000 comments every stinkin' time she has a contest. But I'm sure there was a day, way back in the beginning of her blogging when she only had 11 readers. At least for the first few hours, anyway.

So, stop comparing yourself to everyone else and appreciate the wonderful readers you DO have. It is almost Thanksgiving! Can't you show a little bit of gratitude!?!

And there's one other thing I've been meaning to bring up with you. I know you think that with just a little more practice you can go somewhere with your lip sync act. But, I have news for YOU. You AREN'T Mariah Carey! You ARE NOT Mandeesa!

So, get your little schizophrenic self back on that keyboard and start typing up some blog posts!

With love,
Your faithful friend and constant companion,
Emily

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK... You have seriously gone crazy! Do you need help finding a therapist? :) Lori

A Musing Mom said...

Thanks for telling us - I mean me, that we're not normal. My imaginary friend has told me she isn't going to read your blog anymore. There ya go! Now you're losing more readers.

And if you weren't wasting all your time over at the Pioneer Woman, you might read some of the other pitiful blogs out there who only get one or two comments on occasion, but really are destined for greatness if somebody would just stop and notice. Besides, maybe her blog is all Pioneer Woman has. She might not have the stellar career of those of us with lesser blog stats...then again, she probably does.

Love ya, everydayMOM - all two (or is it three or four) of you!

Anonymous said...

Em, you've outdone yourselves again! Give my love to mom, dad, Tiki, and Joan, and keep on posting! You are hilarious! Love, Amy
P.S. when is Kent coming back?..........

Anonymous said...

I must say, you had me fooled! I don't remember you being so devious back in the day...funny yes, but THIS HEARTBREAKING TRICKERY?! I am so glad I can go back to checking your blog every day (as if I ever could quit). I'm happy again!

everydayMOM said...

I'm so sorry I tricked you! I really didn't intend to! I was laughing so hard when I wrote the first post that I assumed people could hear me right through their computer screens. But sometimes my sarcasm and sense of humor are SO dry that it is difficult to tell the difference when you are only reading text. I think that's a trait that has rubbed off on me from my husband!

Thanks for not getting mad and leaving me!

Oh... and Amy, there was also an imaginary member of my imaginary family named "Brother". So, Tiki, Joan, Mom, Dad and Brother. I only brought him up on rare occassions and kept him quite supressed. Hmm... I wonder why THAT would be?! (And I say that, knowing my OWN brother will find it funny, not mean!)

jbowen said...

This is great. i've been catching up on all of your writings and i love them. I'm so glad Lynn emailed me about your blog. Keep it up.

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