Friday, January 23, 2009

conspiracy theories

My oldest son often comes home with elaborate tales about Life on the Playground in second grade.

“Billy joined the bad team,” he will say. “They tried to capture me and put me in prison, but I used the force and was able to escape.”

I’ve finally started to realize that he doesn’t believe these stories are completely true. I think he just finds it more interesting to take the events of the day and create an elaborate story full of drama and intrigue.

I can often see his mind working as he runs around the yard. The other kids think he’s simply playing tag, but in his mind, he’s trying to escape a battle droid and make it safely to his underground cave.

I don’t know where he gets this trait.

I’m pretty sure, though, that it’s from my husband, CapableDad. He acts very normal, mild-mannered and calm, but there’s a lot more to him than meets the eye.

For example, earlier this week at about 4 a.m., I heard CapableDad sneak out of bed. He didn’t know that I was awake when he tip-toed to the closet and started gathering his belongings.

A few minutes later, I heard him walking quietly down the stairs and then... the sound of the garage door opening.

At this point, I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs.

“A-HA!” I exclaimed! “I caught you!”

“I was trying not to wake you up,” he said softly. “I couldn’t sleep so I decided to go ahead and go to work.”

Right. I’ve heard that before. Like I don’t know that he’s a top-secret government agent working on an undercover operation.

Like I don’t know that he had to change his identity years ago before we even started dating to avoid putting me at risk. Like I believe that all of those international trips are really to visit factories in China. P-L-L-E-A-S-E!

“I caught you trying to escape!” I told him. “I know you were trying to make a get-away.”

“Honey. I’m going to work. I left you a note.”

I looked at the note sitting on the counter.

He’s a smart one. Covering his tracks with that hand-written note so the government informants wouldn’t get suspicious.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said and kissed me good-bye.

Yep. It’s all his fault.

With the secret life he lives, he has to be responsible for our son’s creative mind, conspiracy theories and dramatic explanations.

7 comments:

Lana said...

Haha...nicely written, too funny!

Anonymous said...

you are very funny! I enjoyed it lots... I do need to ask you tho, what color is your kettle?? cuz if you think your son got all that from your husband... hmm... maybe a teeny bit of it... maybe!
Have a good one!
Laurel

everydayMOM said...

Hey Laurel,

I haven't heard that expression before: "What color is your kettle?" That must be a Canadian thing. I'm sure it probably means I'm a little bit crazy, and that would be correct! =] Glad you got my humor.

Anonymous said...

Hey Emily... I think the real or original phrase is something like who's calling the kettle black? but Byron & I just changed it... and it could be a canadian thing too... eh!
Laurel

Anonymous said...

I found the real phrase... it's the pot calling the kettle black...
(and I totally get your humour! It's like mine... sometimes twisted enough that only we get it...)
Laurel

everydayMOM said...

I get it! "That sure is the pot calling the kettle black."

This phrase in Canadian would be: "That sure is the pot calling the kettle black. Aye?"

hee hee. Canadians crack me up. Why do you always have more fun?

Anonymous said...

probably cuz we're crazy!

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