Tuesday, May 19, 2009

it's gonna cost ya!

A few years ago, I made a discovery in my parenting. Most of the time when kids are acting out, they need some discipline. But sometimes when a child is having a meltdown that looks like a major offense, what he is actually crying out for is a big fat hug.

This is especially true of our Middle Child, whose love language is all about hugs. That kid has always loved to sit on my lap, give me kisses and hold tight for big bear hugs. He also gets easily frustrated. It's not easy having a brother who is 22 months older, runs faster, rides his bike faster, jumps higher and pretty much does everything as if he's two years ahead (because he IS).

As the meltdowns increased, I realized that I needed to be more proactive in the amount of Mommy love that was being dished out on a daily basis in our house. But as my boys were getting older, convincing them to slow down and soak up a hug was becoming more of a struggle.

That's when I instituted the payment system. It works something like this.

"Mom, could I have a cup of milk?"

"Sure, but it's gonna cost ya."

"How much?"

"I'll need five hugs and three kisses."

This took them by surprise at first. They acted like they were being tortured as they grudgingly handed over their payment.

But as this routine became a more familiar part of our household, they started looking forward to hearing how many hugs and kisses they would have to "pay" me.

When my husband is out of town for weeks at a time, as he has been lately, everyone in our house seems to be a little more edgy. And then I remember that we all need to pay up. Forget time outs. We need some hugs.

It's gotten to the point that my kids even inform me of what I owe them. And their requests are often extreme.

"I need 43 hugs and 25 kisses," one of them will say. We hold tight while we count to 43, and then the 25 pecks begin.

It can be steep. But I'm willing to pay the price.


Anonymous said...

You think I could start implementing this with my 18 year old?


Jenny-Jenny said...

I LOVE it! On the dinner chore chart one of the requirements with set the table is Hug Mom. They are always sure to do that part! Even the 18 year old!

Anonymous said...

When the kids ask for a treat, they have to give me a hug & a kiss... they are usually willing to pay the price too! altho sometimes, they pretend to put up a fight over it... eventually they pay tho!

Maggie said...

great idea!

Sarah said...


Jenny-Jenny said...

Hi Emily,

I was hoping to find an email address. My mom doesn't have a blog but she would LOVE (seriously!) to share her routine on Wii fit with you. She said I could give you her email address but I don't want to just give it out to the world. I think there is a way and you being the smart one probably know how to do that. If not just come over to mine and leave a comment and we'll make it happen. She told me today that she has lost 31 pounds total. Judging from your bike pictures that would cause you to blow away from the windy city but it's still good to be fit. Have a fun Memorial Day weekend! Love, Jenny

Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom said...

Sheer brilliance.... excellent system! ;)

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

I love this idea! I know with my Ladybug, a hug often cures bad behavior. I have to remind myself to stop before I get angry.

Thanks for sharing!

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