The end is near

For the last four weeks, our family has been counting down the days to June 19. The rest of our life felt like it was on hold as we waited for this one day to arrive.

My husband has been working his tail off — actually his arm off — in preparation for his four-month follow-up visit with the surgeon who worked on his shoulder back on March 8. After that gloomy visit with predictions of a second surgery, I have to admit we were expecting the worst.

We had gone through the four stages of grief as we thought about what it would mean to go back into the operating room for a second time, and we were starting to set up a tent in "acceptance."

As I mentioned in my last post about this, my husband has regained a lot of movement in his right arm since the surgery. But he has one motion that is still only at about 65 percent of its range of motion. Our lives have revolved around physical therapy appointments four days a week, often 2.5 hours long right after his work day, as well as putting on his stretching contraption three times a day to slowly pull his arm and hold it in place 30 minutes at a time.

We resigned ourselves to no vacation this summer since we would need all of his remaining vacation days to recover from a potential surgery. Three of his therapists had a big debate Monday night about what would be his best course of action. He seems to be an anomaly even in their eyes, or at least some kind of fascinating case for someone's future thesis, because of his inability to regain his full movement despite how hard he has worked the last four months.

Is it a scar tissue problem?

Did this all actually start 20 years ago after a bad car accident he had?

Could the problem have been building even before that? A bad football injury in high school? Hundreds of repetitive shoulder movements throwing a baseball during Little League?

An excruciatingly painful "dry needle" treatment last week seemed to show that the muscle in his arm was balled up so tight that it had basically stopped working since the injury seven months ago that sent him to the doctor.

Anyway, even the doctor said he was expecting the worst when he saw my husband's name on the patient list Tuesday.

I was in a different meeting during the appointment, but wanted to jump out of my seat when Capable Dad sent me this text:

"The end is near."

Could it be? The doctor was actually happy with his progress! He was NOT recommending a second surgery!

We couldn't believe it! We are so thankful to the many, many people who have prayed for him the past four weeks and the past seven months. This truly was not the result we expected, so we know God has been working!

The plan now is to continue his therapy at home, but reduce his visits to the PT office to twice a week for about six more weeks. Even though he still has limited range of motion in one area, he seems to be regaining a lot of flexibility and strength in the other directions. The doctor will check him again in six weeks, but he was pleasantly surprised with his progress.

Most people don't regain much more movement after the four-month mark. If that were the case, he might never regain his golf swing. Might not ever be able to pitch a baseball. He would be limited in his ability to shoots hoops with the boys.

Our prayer now is that he will regain that movement. Although those things are all very minor in the whole scheme of life, they are all things that he enjoys. And God has showed us that he can continue to work in ways that seem medically improbable.

It's crazy when I stop to think that this whole journey began seven months ago when we were working on rearranging our basement to clean out a ton of junk and make a nice space for our 11-year-old to hang out. My husband was carrying an armload of big work manuals when he tripped and the books jammed into his shoulder.

During the last two weeks, I have spent most of my free time back in the basement working on that long-lost project. I have been clearing out junk, cleaning and painting. Last night, my husband joined me in the basement to help me put together some storage units as I FINALLY finished up the project.

For the first time in many months, he held a power tool in his right hand and helped me put together some shelves. It was something I had seen him do many, many times during our marriage. And yet this time it was so special.

We had come full circle. We could see life returning to how it used to be.

It's been a long journey. But for the first time we could say it: The end is near.

Our new normal

It's been a while since I've written an update about CapableDad's shoulder surgery and what life has been like around here with our wonderful one-armed leader. We are so thankful for everyone who has asked about us since CD's surgery.

It's been seven weeks now since surgery day, and I think we finally feel like he has turned a corner. CD is now at a more manageable pain level on a daily basis. He hovers around 3 to 5 on a scale of 10. Even a week ago, his pain level was usually around 5 or 6 most of the time.

His range of motion has improved significantly. I've been surprised a few times the past week to walk in the room and see him holding his right arm straight up in the air without assistance from the other arm. This is a major accomplishment and so great to see!

His strength in the right shoulder and bicep is still at zero. All of his muscles in and around the top part of his right arm are basically gone. The doctor doesn't want him to start strengthening his bicep or shoulder muscles at all until week 12. He can't even lift a cup to drink with his right arm at this point.

I have learned a lot about the difference between being able to move your arm and strengthening your arm. Right now, he needs to work on improving his movement without compromising the area where the muscle is reattaching itself to the bone by putting pressure on it through any type of lifting.

He also has developed a secondary condition called Bursitis, which about one in 50 people get after a surgery like this. It's an inflammation in his elbow caused by all of the excess fluid in that arm. His elbow has a big swollen bump on it that gets worse with physical therapy.

CD still goes to Torture Therapy three times a week for about two hours each session. His therapist is great and really nice, despite the fact she pulls and tugs on his arm to the point of tears a lot of days. :) Thankfully, these sessions don't completely knock him out like they did in the beginning. He still needs to come home and hook up the ice machine afterward, but they don't require quite the level of pain medication as before.

It's been five months since the original injury and since CapableDad has been able to use his right arm. The rest of us have gotten used to this "new normal," and we all get excited by small things like seeing him spread butter with his right hand.

The boys have gotten into a good routine of carrying all of the garbage out to the curb, and they are learning to mow the lawn. The biggest improvement is that CD can drive now, so he can help drop off kids at various places and run to the store for a gallon of milk. A full grocery run requires him to take along a child helper to push the cart and get everything into the car. But he has tried that a few times!

I am learning to just be OK with the fact that some things aren't going to get done around here if they require any type of lifting or strength. I'm learning to say "yes" when anyone asks to help in any way. It's very humbling, and I definitely prefer to be on the other end of things.

Our church asked us if they could come over and help us do some spring projects in our yard. At first, we were both against the idea because we felt like other people needed help more than we do.

Our yard is pretty ridiculous because we inherited a lot of landscaping, trees and bushes from the previous owner. To be honest, there are just too many other things that need to be done for me to really devote the time that would be needed to take care of the outdoor stuff. I also realized that part of the reason I was worried about having people help us was because of pride.

So, I'm learning to be grateful and not worry about whether I think I "deserve" to be helped. We know that sometimes the "helpers" can be blessed as much as those being served, and we are so thankful for people who are willing to come along side us and just make things a little easier.

We all have our moments when we wish CapableDad could throw a baseball with his boys or pick up the toddler to give her a big hug. It's hard to see him in constant pain for such a long period of time. But we are thankful for each new day and the progress that he makes. And we are even more thankful to know there is an end in sight. It makes me sympathize so much with people who have a condition that might not ever get better.

Some of the other things that are happening around here:

• Friday was our last day of enrichment classes for the kids. They have learned so much this year at our Friday co-op! You can check out some photos of what they've been doing here.
• We're sticking to our May 1 deadline to figure out our plan for the fall. I'm actually excited that the deadline is right around the corner! I'm looking forward to a worry-free summer!
• We will be finishing up our school year May 14, which is the last day of our academic classes. The kids will have final exams on that day, and they are working hard to finish up several projects due on May 7.
• Baseball season is in full swing! We are looking forward to some warmer weather so we don't have to freeze our buns off during the games! We know that is coming soon.

Thanks so much for checking in! We appreciate it!

Frozen

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a while now. I can't believe an entire week has passed, and I'm just now getting around to doing it.

Last Tuesday was CapableDad's follow-up visit with the surgeon who repaired his shoulder. We had been anxiously awaiting this appointment to get more details about why the doctor totally changed the surgery from what he told us he was planning to do originally.

To give a quick summary, CapableDad tore his labrum, which is the cartilage that attaches the arm to the shoulder, and he also tore his rotator cuff. He did this back in late November, but it took until March 8 to find out the extent of the injury and schedule the surgery.

The doctor came in on Tuesday with a file full of photos of the inside of my husband's shoulder. He had shown these to me quickly right after surgery, but it caught me so much by surprise that I couldn't fully absorb all that he was saying.

This time, I was ready to listen carefully and look closely at the photos. It was obvious from the photos that his muscles were very red and swollen. The doctor said this was a sign that scar tissue had been building up inside his arm for some time. The doctor even used the word "horrible" or something along those lines to describe what he saw when he looked inside my husband's arm.

The scar tissue most likely had been building up for a long period of time. It could have been caused by a previous injury. Certain types of people — women, diabetics and people over 40 — are also more likely to have this happen even without an injury. Anyway, apparently, so much scar tissue had formed that he was developing a frozen shoulder (possibly) even before his injury in late November.

Once the doctor saw what was happening on the inside, he realized that my husband was not going to regain full movement if he repaired the labrum and rotator cuff as he had planned. Instead, he cut out tons of scar tissue and filed away a very jagged area on the bone. It was amazing to see in the photos how the bone was rough and discolored before and then nice and smooth afterward.

The bicep is attached to the shoulder with two tendons. One of these tendons was tugging on the torn labrum. Instead of repairing the labrum, he cut the tendon away from it and then fastened it to the bone at a lower point. Although the torn labrum will never repair itself, he said it shouldn't cause any more problems because the tendon is no longer pulling on it.

During the visit, the doctor pushed and pulled my husband's arm in every direction to find out how much motion he has regained through physical therapy. I had to cover my eyes to keep from passing out as I watched the doctor stretch my husband's arm over his leg and push it down.

Somehow, CapableDad survived, although he was in a lot of pain for the next few days. He also gave him a three-week deadline to show a lot more improvement in his movement. Otherwise, the doctor will give him a cortisone shot to help speed up the process.

Being in a constant state of severe pain has become a way of life for CapableDad. For nearly three weeks now, his daily schedule consists of doing physical therapy, icing his muscles and then usually drifting into a comatose state for a few hours from the pain killers. That's the second reason this blog post is called "frozen." He spends a lot of time in a frozen state as his ice machine pumps freezing cold water into the ice pack strapped to his arm.

The progress seems extremely slow, but as I watch him do his physical therapy now, I know he has regained movement. He is also feeling better to just walk around the house or talk to people who stop by.

This week, he started working on building some strength back in his shoulder. However, he can't use his bicep at all until he reaches the 12-week mark. He isn't even supposed to lift a cup with the injured arm before then.

Thanks for checking in with us and taking the time to read. We continue to be overwhelmingly blessed by people bringing us meals, helping us with stuff around the house, asking about us, praying for us, filling in for me on Sunday mornings and just stopping by to lift my husband's spirits. We can never fully convey how much we appreciate it!

Zero to 180

Why am I updating my blog at 2 a.m.? I know it's ridiculous. I've basically reached the point that I'm tired of trying to go back to sleep over and over again.

I don't mean to sound like I'm whining and complaining. But for those who have asked, this is what life has been like the past seven days.

Our schedule feels very similar to what it's like to have a newborn in the house. Except we don't have a super cute little baby to admire during the waking hours. Instead, we have some very bruised, very sore muscles that are bundled up in knots, screaming and needing to be nursed around the clock.

I've been trying to think about why this experience is so different from anything we've been through before. I mean, I'm the Queen of Broken Arms. I've broken both of my wrists and both of my shoulders at various times in my life. I've been in full length casts and smaller casts and slings. So, I get the pain and discomfort of having one arm immobilized.

But the unique thing about having surgery on a muscle is that you are basically fighting against your own body's attempts to repair itself.

In both cases, the human body is creating scar tissue as fast as possible to fix the injured area. With a bone, this is great. Just don't move it for six weeks, and the bone actually ends up stronger than it was before.

With a muscle, your body is wrapping the area in scar tissue, which, if left alone, will become as hard as bone. If you don't continually move it and break it up early on, you won't be able to regain full movement later.

Right now, Capable Dad's ability to move his right shoulder is at zero. He has to exercise his injury three times a day without actually moving the muscle that is trying to heal itself. In other words, he has to use the other arm or his pulleys or a long cane to pick up, pull, lift and lower the limp right arm.

My amazing husband has always been naturally athletic. So, it's hard — and somewhat surreal — to see him struggle and wince in pain as he pulls up his arm to 90 degrees or slowly pushes it down to lower it to the bed. It's hard to imagine that these small movements can create such excruciating pain.

His schedule has become a four-hour cycle throughout the day. Eat. Take pain medication. Do physical therapy. Apply ice. Fall into a deep, comatose state from the pain medication.

Three days a week, he leaves the house to go to his torture session with the therapist (as opposed to exercising at home). She stretches and manipulates his arm to the point that he requires a lot more ice, more pain medication and more sleep. While he can move his bicep zero, her goal is to get it to 180.

Throughout the night, he starts to get restless around hour three of sleep as the pain medication begins to wear off. He has to pull himself out of bed and eat a snack so he can take more medicine and get back to sleep.

We can see him getting stronger each day. But I definitely wasn't expecting this level of pain to continue at Day 7. I really didn't know what to expect.

Anyway. We can't even begin to say how much we appreciate people who have helped with our kids and brought us food and prayed for us this week. We are super thankful for everything. The warm weather also has been a huge blessing that has made our days SO much more pleasant!

I wanted to post a photo of the injured area because there is nothing like an enormous bruise to make a blog post more exciting. Instead, I will post a photo of the 2-year-old eating one of the smiley face cookies sent by friends from Capable Dad's office. They totally made us smile!

The vampire or couvade syndrome?

CapableDad was almost ready for surgery. We had talked to nurses and the doctor's assistant who reviewed his medical history, got his IV in place and recorded his blood pressure. All that was left was a visit from the anesthesiologist.

She was a female doctor who was probably close to 60. She explained to us that she was going to give CapableDad some pain medication in his IV and then she would insert a needle into his neck to administer a pain block to his right shoulder.

She rubbed her hand along the side of his neck to show us the area where she would insert the needle.

"Ohhhh, he has a niiiiiice neck," she said with a big smile. She felt his neck again. "Yes. He has a very nice neck."

She looked at me and laughed. "Oh, we're all vampires," she said jokingly.

After she left the room, my husband and I both cracked up. It seemed like her laugh was just a little too sinister. Could it be that she really WAS a vampire?

And if not, can you imagine a male doctor making the same remark about a female patient? I'm not sure my husband would have thought it was funny if the tables were turned.

After the surgery, CapableDad said he couldn't remember a thing about having a needle injected in his neck. He couldn't even remember counting to 10. He said the anesthesiologist told him to lie down on something like a bean bag chair and said, "This isn't going to be very com...fort...a......"

And that was it.

I was in the waiting room by then, but I think I know the exact moment the needle went in. I felt a sudden pain in my back. It was the unmistakable pain right in the spot where my epidural went in for each of my four C-sections. Although I have felt that pain once in a while during the last 11 years since our first child was born, I haven't felt it in more than a year.

I have had that pain in my back almost constantly since CapableDad's surgery last Thursday. I've also been ridiculously tired. While his super-powered pain medication often gives him extra energy, it seems that with each pill he takes, my grogginess grows.

What was going on with my extreme exhaustion and this pain in the back? I looked on the Internet for answers, and that's when I came up with one possible explanation.

It's a scientific fact (studied by scientists and PROVEN by medical professionals) that when someone you love goes through an extremely painful situation, you can also feel their pain. It happens most often to a husband during his wife's pregnancy. You've probably seen those guys who grow a gut as large as their wife's pregnant belly? Sometimes they have fantom labor pains, too.

They even have a name for it. Couvade Syndrome. That must be it. I diagnosed myself with this medical condition. I would need to take frequent naps, eat extra chocolate and take hot baths. That would be my only hope for a cure.

But as I thought about it more, I realized there could be another possible cause.

My husband has been in so much pain that he's only tried to take a shower one time. His shoulder is still covered in Sharpie marker where the doctor mapped out a diagram of his muscle structure on the outside of his arm. Just below that is the initial of the doctor and the anesthesiologist who both left their tattoos to make sure they operated on the correct side of his body.

Maybe she WAS a vampire after all. Or maybe it was voodoo. Was it just a coincidence that I felt that sharp pain at about the same moment she would have injected the needle in his neck? Could there be more to the fact I've been fighting illness and fatigue since we got home from the hospital?

I realized I needed to get rid of her markings.

I carefully took rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball and did my best to wipe away her initials still there in Sharpie marker.

My back is feeling better already.

Or maybe I just need a nap.

Small miracles and unexpected blessings

It feels like I've been trying to get on my blog for weeks to update all that has been happening in our lives. Despite the fact I'm fighting a cold and should go take a nap right now, I'm finally forcing myself to sit down and write about some of the events of the past few days. I don't want to forget the details, and this is the one way I will be able to look back and remember.

Thursday was the day we had been anticipating for months. My husband has been living with some very serious pain in his right shoulder after an accident that actually occurred around Thanksgiving. At first, he tried to ignore the pain, but by the beginning of January, he couldn't take it anymore.

It took several trips to different doctors, X-rays and an MRI to determine that he had torn his labrum, which is the cartilage that attaches the arm to the shoulder. He also tore his rotator cuff, which are the muscles and tendons that surround the shoulder.

He was referred to an orthopedic surgeon who handles many injury cases for major sports teams in the Chicago area. We would have to wait more than a month to get in for surgery. We sometimes doubted the decision to stick with this doctor because the wait was so long and he was in so much pain. But that turned out to be one of our first small miracles.



After the surgery on Thursday afternoon, the doctor and his assistant called me from the waiting room to explain what had happened during surgery. After he saw my husband's muscles and injury from the inside, he decided to totally change his plan. The doctor realized that it was going to be very difficult for my husband to regain his range of motion with the original plan to stitch the labrum to the bone.

Instead, he decided to move the tendon that attaches the bicep to the bone. By doing this, the bicep would no longer tug on the torn labrum, causing so much pain.

He also filed away part of the inside of the shoulder bone and a bone spur that had formed. This was all very confusing to me, but he assured me the end result would be a much better recovery. While the other surgery had a very good chance of leaving him stiff and making it difficult to resume his love for biking, this approach should give him the ability to recover completely.

So, we both feel like finding a doctor who could make a call like that during surgery and look out for his best interest and lifestyle was one of our small miracles!

Another small miracles actually came two months before the injury. My husband was offered a new job almost out of the blue. He wasn't looking to switch companies. But we were attracted to the change by two things: better health insurance and a better lifestyle.

At his old company, it would have been very difficult to take the time off that he will need for his recovery. We are also so thankful for much better health insurance that will cover a lot more of his surgery and physical therapy. He is expected to need PT three times a week for three to six months. Looking back at when he started at this new job in October, we would have never imagined how much we would need these benefits!



The last few days have been packed full of unexpected blessings. I've been blown away by all of the people from our church who have been showing up with meals and calling and texting us to see how they can help. I didn't really think I would need much help since I wasn't the one having surgery. But taking care of my husband, as well as our four kids, has been harder than I anticipated. I have been exhausted the past few days. We are so, so thankful for everyone who has helped us in any way.

I could probably go on and on, but I will wrap up by saying our last unexpected blessing has been the gift of laughter. In an odd way, we have really enjoyed the past few days. I have been able to stop thinking about all of my other responsibilities and just focus on my husband and taking care of him.

From the time we went on our "date" to the hospital for surgery, we have been cracking each other up. I hope I will find time to write about some of the funny things that have happened the past few days.

I guess I should mention one other small miracle — that is the miracle of the way God created the human body with the ability to recover from a surgery like this. The doctor is very serious about physical therapy and he scheduled my husband's first session the day after surgery.

It was kind of shocking to think that he could go from having his bicep reattached one day to lifting his arm the next. He has to keep his arm completely immobilized and he is in a ton of pain just normally. We could barely believe that the therapist wanted him to move it all over the place!

The PT is very difficult. It's exhausting for him to sit and lift his arm a few times using a pulley. But it's also amazing to see him regain a little strength.